Ok, You can be Spartacus. Happy Now?

American movie icon Kirk Douglas is 90 years old today. Happy birthday Kirk, and thank you for entertaining us for all these years.

World AIDS Day

Yesterday was World AIDS Day.

Don't be kind of person who only thinks of AIDS when it's too late.

AVERT

Alien Brain Disease in Texas

Kingsville, Kleberg County Texas, 1997:

A local man, Leonso Canales Jr. has succesfully lobbied the Kleberg County commissioners to replace the word "Hello". From now on the official court house greeting will be (I shit you not) "Heaveno".

That's right...in Kleberg County your ears will no longer be incidentally assailed by that other evil, vicious H word in the course of a common greeting.

I can only assume that other options such as "Good Morning" (Afternoon or whatever", "Hi" and the official Texas greeting of "Howdy", were all considered and discarded as equally offensive as hello; thus requiring a new word to be carefully hand-crafted from scarce, non-renewable resources.

At this point you're thinking I'm looking at something from The Onion. But we're not so lucky...

'Heaveno' has received one heck of a response pall

Since the original adoption of "Heaveno" it seems that Kingsville and Kleberg County have forgotten their original commitment to language reform. In fact so many people have been pointing fingers and laughing that every member who approved the resolution has since probably crawled behind some convenient dumpster and drowned their sorrows in Wild Irish Rose or Mad Dog.

But the "Heaveno" people are still hard at it...working to clean up your filthy language.

We are so pwned.

That's it for the U.S. of A. folks; we can no longer show our faces in public. Iranian TV has lampooned the leaders of the West in satire so scathing that words fail.

I mean that...

There aren't words...

None at all...

Here...go see for yourself:

13 Dead End Street

Or if your dignity can't stand the full horror of this bitch-slapping then you can read the Transcripts.

While you're at it, give the MEMRI (Middle East Media Research Institute) website a good checking out. Find out what's really going on in the Muslim world.

Now, let's all go back to feeling the stinging shame of islam-o-fascist satire.

Happy Birthday Bill Nye! And Thanks, Mr. Wizard!

I grew up with Mr. Wizard (Don Herbert). For all you younglings out there in cyberspace, Mr. Wizard was a guy who'd show up on the TV set and teach kids wonderful tricks while imparting a little bit of science education. Now this is back before educational TV existed, so us kids watched Mr. Wizard for sheer entertainment little realizing that we were being educated.

Mr. Wizard's show aired on WMAQ television (Chicago) in 1951. The heady days of atomic-science, space exploration and general gee-whizz technology advancement created a veritable boom of popularity and interest in science. Mr. Wizard helped us learn that science is magic that works and that we can all understand.

Nowadays it seems there's a resurgence in the other kind of magic...you know, the kind that doesn't work and requires a full-time effort just to think up excuses for why it doesn't work...but fear not; there is some sanity left in the world and still some mighty oomph left over from the days when massive Saturn V rockets hurled men to the moon. Science is not dead...it's not even resting.

Today the lucky kids (and lucky adults) have Bill Nye The Science Guy to carry the torch of popular science in a world that seems increasingly hostile to hard science. Bill Nye is fifty-one years old today, please join me in wishing him a Happy Birthday and hoping he's not yet reached his half-life.

Please visit Mr. Wizard's and Bill Nye's websites for all sorts of fun science. If you learn something new, be sure to tell them thanks!

Why hast thou forsaken me?

Well if you keep up with the Evolution-vs-Creation debate the way I do you might have heard that Dr. Kent Hovind(degree purchased through Patriot Bible University) is in jail awaiting sentencing for felony tax evasion. Now Kent has used his bullshit degree for years to spread the word of God; lying about evolution, science, the Bible, dinosaurs, mankind, the universe and Jesus Christ. Hovind runs a creationist theme-park (Dinosaur Adventure Land) and whores his pimply ass out for speaking engagements. In his eyes the resulting filthy lucre is a holy thing of God not to be rendered unto Caesar.

Dr. Dino (as he calls himself) was convicted on twelve counts of willful failure to collect, account for and pay federal income and FICA taxes, forty-five counts of knowingly structuring transactions to avoid federal reporting requirements and one count of corruptly impeding the administration of internal revenue laws. Hovind has essentially structured his defense around "You can't tax me, I work for God".

Anyway, in between fulfilling his duties to Bubba and his other cellmates, Hovind has been keeping his blog updated with the list of reasons why God allowed him to be convicted. I thought I would share it with everyone so that we can humbly entreat God not to test us as he has this poor piece of rat-shit:

Why Did God Allow This? Maybe God wants me…….

1. To receive punishment for my sin.
2. To use me in an area in the jail that needed salt. (Matt. 5:13)
3. To let me be prepared for a new phase of ministry and this is boot camp.
4. To be humbled by God.
5. To allow God to see how fellow Christians react. He is gathering evidence for their day of reckoning. The same is true for me.
6. To give me time off to reflect, refresh, recharge, and renew my Bible study and prayer time.
7. To let me see the anguish my grandkids, who love me dearly, are going through, so that I would be more compassionate with kids to whom I preach, or that are visiting DAL, whom have similar experiences with jailed loved ones.
8. To show me how much can be done with so little. These men can make all sorts of things like water heaters from toothbrushes, and tattoo guns from ink pens. Most Christians are wasteful of God’s resources.
9. To give me a better appreciation for our veterans who slept in swamps and other squalid conditions for my freedom. I will hug POW’s from now on.
10. To gain me a renewed appreciation for missionaries who leave family and comforts to spread God’s word.
11. To bring my thought, prayers, and concerns into action by inspiring me to visit those in the hospitals who never get visitors.
12. To let me see first hand and up close, the results of sin in a man’s life.
13. To let me see men pace back and forth like caged lions. Truly the wicked are like the troubled sea that cannot rest.
14. To let me see my God’s law, which is perfect, converting the soul, authorizes: beatings, four times restitution, and execution for crimes, but never imprisonment. Certainly there are Roman and Egyptian prisons, but none authorized by God. This system costs everyone in many ways, and does little good and much harm.
15. To give me a taste of what awaits in the tribulation. The “state” control in that time will be overpowering.
16. To allow me to experience the joy of holding hands in a prayer circle with nine men on fire for Jesus while facing severe sentences.
17. To make me order my priorities better. I cannot ever let my family fail, while I build a ministry.
18. To make me more like Jesus, the man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.

I hear they'll be replacing the Book of Job with the Book of Hovind in the next edition. Maybe they'll also straighten out that Genesis misunderstanding while they're at it and let us all get back to work.

I'm not nuts, I'm condiments. I've been promoted.

It seems I've been running into Dwight Schultz (pictured as Captain H. M. "Howling Mad" Murdock from the A-Team) alot this week. It started with a clip from an A-Team episode, then I happened to notice his name turning up in the "Additional Voices" credits of damn near every video game I own. Last night I sat down to eat ice cream with Chris in front of the TV and we flipped on Star Trek TNG and there he was again as Lieutenant Reginald Barclay III.

So today on my early morning browse I happen to notice it's Dwight's Birthday. Dwight is 59 years old today and still working hard. Look for him in a cameo in the upcoming A-Team movie due to be released in 2008. Happy Birthday Dwight. Now get the fuck out of my head.

The bastards can't even play soccer without cheating...

Zurich, 23 November 2006 - The FIFA Emergency Committee, composed of the FIFA President and one representative of each of the six confederations, yesterday (22 November 2006) decided to suspend the Islamic Republic of Iran Football Federation (IRIFF) from all international activity due to government interference in football matters and violation of Article 17 of the FIFA Statutes.

FIFA suspends Iran Football Federation

Article 17 Bodies
1 A Member’s bodies shall be either elected or appointed in that Association. A Member’s statutes shall provide for a procedure that guarantees the complete independence of the election or appointment.
2 Any Member’s bodies that have not been elected or appointed compliance with the provisions of par. 1, even on an interim basis, shall not be recognised by FIFA.
3 Decisions passed by bodies that have not been elected or appointed in compliance with par. 1 shall not be recognised by FIFA.

FIFA Statutes

Now folks who know me will wonder why I care...after all I pretty much see all team sports as little more than millionaire mutants chasing a ball...and frankly I don't care. It's just a tidbit of information I found that would normally get ignored in the Land of the Free and the Home of the Opinion Poll since we don't watch enough soccer over here to make it worthwhile for the news-whores to pay attention to it.


It's just another sign that Iran is a fucked-up country that needs to be bitch-slapped. Iceberg Slim would have never taken the kind of shit Iran's been puttin' out

Not Forgotten

On October 28th 1916 Oswald Boelcke was killed in an accidental collision with an airplane from his own squadron while engaged in combat operations against Number 24 Squadron RFC. Oswald Boelcke is perhaps the most influential combat pilot to have lived. Not only an ace with 40 aerial victories to his credit, Boelcke was a gifted leader and tactician single handedly developing the foundations of air to air combat.

Boelcke served alongside and mentored the greatest of Germany's pilots. Along with Max Immelman, Boelcke received the first Orders Pour le Merite (The Blue Max, Imperial Germany's highest medal) awarded for victory in air-combat. Boelcke was promoted to lead a new fighter squadron, Jagdstaffel 2, in the reorganized Imperial German Air Service where he would mentor and train pilots like Hans Reimann, Werner Voss and, of course, Manfred von Richthofen.

The rules laid down by Boelcke are still learned by pilots to this day. In memory of a courageous, chivalrous and wise enemy I offer his words of advice...

Dicta Boelcke

1. Try to secure advantages before attacking. If possible keep the sun behind you.

2. Always carry through an attack when you have started it.

3. Fire only at close range and only when your opponent is properly in your sights.

4. Always keep your eye on your opponent, and never let yourself be deceived by ruses.

5. In any form of attack it is essential to assail your opponent from behind.

6. If your opponent dives on you, do not try to evade his onslaught, but fly to meet it.

7. When over the enemy's lines never forget your own line of retreat.

8. For the Staffel: Attack on principle in groups of four or six. When the fight breaks up into a series of single combats, take care that several do not go for one opponent.

Mushrooms Over Mecca

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72 virgins, no waiting.

It seems the Hamas leaders in Gaza are running scared. They've ordered Palestinian security forces to oppose Israeli troops inside Gaza.

Now the Palestinian security guys aren't exactly friendly to Israel, but they aren't card-carrying members of Hamas and they aren't stupid. If past incidents are any guide the Palestinian security forces will allow the militant martyr candidates to take out the Israeli tanks with mark 1 rocks.

Most of the members of the Palestinian security forces are members of the Fatah party that was soundly trounced in the last election when the Palestinians suffered a mass brain fart and elected a known terrorist group to lead them. I wouldn't expect them to be first in line for the latest in clothing that goes "BOOM"!

Now their entire population is suffering for the asinine decisions made by their elected leaders. No electricity? Blame Hamas. No Food? Blame Hamas. No Water? Blame Hamas. It's come to this point...The Palestinians have forced Israel and the world to face the possibility that peace may not be possible and is clearly impossible given the Palestinian taste in "elected" officials.

It's time for the Palestinians to face up to their history as losers in every significant military campaign they have ever fought. Hell, you couldn't win when you had 16 foot giants and the Israelis had slingshots, what makes you think you stand a chance now? (Yes I know the bible says Goliath was a Philistine...Check out the word origin though; it really amounts to the same thing).

Suck up that unearned pride of yours and start working to make your lives better; maybe you can earn a country for yourselves if you can act responsibly. Start by working with the Israelis and kick the terrorist assholes out (or better yet, send 'em off to get their virgins). Stop encouraging your sons to throw their lives away and start showing them how they can build a better life peacefully.

Over the top used to have a different meaning...

Ninety years ago today, the allied Armies on the Western front launched a combined offensive against the entrenched Imperial German Army. Soldiers from more than 20 nations took part in the 1916 Summer Offensive, but to the soldiers of the United Kingdom it will always be known as The Battle of the Somme.

On July 1st, 1916 one hundred thousand men climbed from their trenches along a twenty mile front and walked through No Man's Land towards the waiting Germans. Each man carried thirty to seventy pounds of equipment and had orders to advance slowly to avoid losing contact with flanking units. German artillery, machine guns, rifles and grenades bled them white with every step.

On the first day of the assault U.K. forces suffered more than 20,000 killed and 40,000 wounded. By the end of the battle, four months later, the Allied forces had suffered more than 600,000 casualties. Her Majesty's forces had been decimated for a gain of only six miles over part of the front.

Well over a million casualties were suffered by both sides during the four months of battle. More than the entire population of Detroit Michigan or San Jose California.

The Battle of the Somme defined a generation...a mostly missing generation.

Kicking Hamass...

In case you've been under a rock the last couple of days, Israel has come down on the Palestinian Authority like a million pound shit-hammer...and about damn time too. The poor downtrodden Palestinian refugees are their own worst enemies and have been ever since this bag of crap opened in 1947-48.

Even now we're listening to the reports of the brave Palestinian freedom-fighters who are resisting the Zionist oppressors. Syria has (ahem) chased away a flight of Isreali planes that overflew the Syrian president's house and there are calls from all over the Arab world for the Isreali's to stop and negotiate.

My advice for Isreal: Stomp 'em flat; the pig-fucking cowards kidnapped your soldier inside your borders. Instead of negotiating with the terrorists the Palestinian Authority should have bent over backwards assisting you with recovering your lost sons.

My advice for the Palestinians: Change your tune real quick. If you want to be a nation then act like a nation and not spoiled children. Civilized countries do not support terrorists and uncivilized countries have no basis for complaint when they are bitch-slapped.

The cost of housing in Brownsville

Tomorrow night, Texas is scheduled to execute it's thirteenth inmate this year. There probably won't be any large-scale media outcry for this one as there was for Tookie Williams, although I'm sure the usual anti-capital punishment crowd will show up; but the subject is not one to arouse sympathies. He hasn't been writing books in prison or getting Nobel Prize nominations.

The proposed main-event for tonight is Angel Maturino Resendiz; famous as The Railway Killer. Convicted and sentenced to death in May of 2000 for the grisly murder of Texas doctor Claudia Benton, he has since been linked to a total of sixteen murders. He's not the innocent poster-victim that the anti-death penalty crowd loves. I rather expect that they really wish he'd just have a heart attack or something and die so they don't have to face the embarrassing task of crying realistic tears of sympathy during their television interviews.

So why am I talking about this sick fuck? I could mention he's an illegal alien (that's illegal alien, not undocumented immigrant, guest worker or other sappy phrase... make of that what you will), or I could talk about how he could be tortured to death by the unreliable lethal injection process, I might even blather about a justice system that is swift in exactly the same way as glaciers (if Resendiz dies tonight it will be an exceptionally swift execution).

Nope...tonight I'm gonna jump on the big bull and see if I can hold on...we're going to talk about the death penalty:

For the record, I'm against the death penalty. Not because it's wrong (even though it is), not because it's cruel (even though it is), not because it's unfair (even though it is), but because the death penalty is too damned expensive.

I guess I just don't place an extremely high value on human life except for those directly involved in mine. Maybe it's years of studying history or the desensitization caused by killing countless thousands in video games (I've killed all sorts of virtual people, but the most intensely satisfying is dismembering hordes of faceless stormtroopers in Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast), but mostly it's because I'm a practical person who believes that the value of human life is not infinite. Once you reach that point then the issue can be compared to the old joke:

Man: "Will you have sex with me for a million dollars?"
Woman: "For a million dollars? You bet I will!"
Man: "Will you have sex with me for twenty dollars?"
Woman: "Of course not! What kind of a woman do you think I am?"
Man: "We've already established that, we're just haggling over the price."

Resendiz's life isn't worth squat to me. I would only pay for the bullet that kills him if it keeps me from having to pay for his food. Unfortunately our justice system has somehow made bullets (or needles in this case) more expensive than all the food, clothing, medical care, security and housing that is needed to keep Resendiz off the streets until he kicks the bucket all by himself.

Most of the cost is incurred by the trial and the endless reviews, appeals and legal wranglings that happen before there's a chance the inmate can lose the lethal injection lottery. It isn't really likely...only about 10% of all people sentenced to death since 1976 have actually been executed...but it still costs 3-5 times more to get that sentence than it does to get life and that's just the tip of the iceberg.

Am I concerned that an innocent may be murdered by my government? Yeah; but I'm also concerned about global warming, Iraq, Somalia, Darfur, traffic accidents, police brutality, street gangs, desertification, AIDS and terrorism. Innocent people die every day and each of them is no more or less a tragedy than if it had been done via a court of law. Catch a district attorney or a cop fabricating evidence that kills someone and I'm all for poetic justice...but accidents happen. That doesn't make it right, but right's got nothing to do with it.

Plain and simple: Under our current system it costs way too much money to kill the subhuman dregs like Angel Resendiz. This murderous asshole deserves to be broken on the wheel or crucified...not put down gently. I'd be able to sleep at night if I lived in a society that did so. Frankly, I wouldn't care how they killed him, if they didn't have to spend an average of 2.16 million dollars per executed thug.

It's simple economics...I'd rather Resendiz and his ilk were yanked right out of this world by a just and efficient legal system...but if it costs less to let them rot in Brownsville then I'll forgo my thirst for bloody vengeance.

They just don't kill people like they used to...

For those of you who don't know; I study sword-based martial arts. Specifically I study Muso Jikiden Eishin Ryu Iaido, Italian longsword and rapier. Well I've been nursing injured knees since January; managed to go through my test for 2nd Dan in Iaido at the beginning of March with much pain, but other than that I've been playing couch potato waiting for the knees to heel.

Quite a lot of MJER Iaido is done from a kneeling position; as for longsword and rapier, well the knees bend a lot there too. My knees feel a lot better now and I'm slowly getting back into my classes. Last Saturday I had my first class with Sensei back in the Dojo (he was off in Austin the week before). He asked about my knees and then started me right into some new standing techniques and then presented me with my 2nd Dan certificate after class (with the added bonus of Tirya being on-hand to watch). I know there's still more to learn than I can possibly fit in my lifetime, but I at least feel like I've made a start.


Tonight I went to my first longsword class since I injured my knees back in January. It was a short workout, but I was delighted that so many people came up and welcomed me back. I have a lot of work to do to catch up, but it's really kind of nice to realize that you were missed. There's some hope of starting up some Spanish rapier study in the near future which promises to be less stressful on the knees.

Tomorrow morning is going to tell me if I'm overdoing it or not. If I can walk faster than an eighty year-old with a wooden leg then I'm back in the sword swinging business until my next injury. I'm sure you'll hear a lot more about it in future posts, but for now I'm going to stick a link to Schola Saint George up on the page. If you're interested in learning authentic medieval combat techniques it's a great place to start.

Tell them Dan sent ya.

Jinkies!

Okay, this one has to come with a disclaimer...and I hate disclaimers...I have a lot of friends who have a wide variety of beliefs. I respect their beliefs and generally have a high tolerance for the religious activities of other folks...but I'm about to come down hard on people who can't tell the difference between what they believe and what they know. So if you have a delicate belief structure then be warned...there be squalls ahead, and Davey Jones waiting for them what don't obey...


You ever watch Scooby Doo? I remember watching the first episodes when I was maybe six or seven years old. Every episode had the same format: the Scooby Gang stops their perpetual road trip at some tourist attraction that turns out to be haunted. They investigate, get chased by monsters, use some logic (or, failing that, a hidden plot device; Bill Hanna and Joe Barbera didn't have a Disney imagination) and eventually expose the monsters as some evil, money-hungry, con artist trying to get rid of the property owners so they can extract some hidden value from the place. Every episode ends with words to the effect of "And I would have gotten away with it, if it weren't for those kids and that dog!"

Well that's how it used to be...the Scoobys taught me that if I have a little intelligence and a little courage I can eventually learn what's really behind the haunting or the curse or whatever mystery I was facing. I had an example! Forget that I could never stand the sniggering, cowardly mooch-hound and his equally repulsive beatnik owner (already an anachronism in 1969)...in fact, I never liked any of them much...I thought Fred was gay before I knew what gay was (there's a lesson here: don't wear an ascot around me unless you're over 70 with a turkey neck to hide or want to be mentally catalogued into the same drawer as Truman Capote...not that there's anything wrong with that). Daphne and Velma...well...they're okay as cartoon chicks go, but I've seen better; I'm kind of partial to those anime girls in the sailor suits.

Anyway, despite the fact that I was never what you might call a Scooby Doo fan, a few years ago I was surprisingly upset at the release of a new Scooby show where the monsters are real. It seemed like the new-agers and fundamentalists had won a victory over rational thought. See, real monsters can't be explained by science, you can't destroy them even if you have the help of the Harlem Globetrotters (the only approved method of zombie extermination (decapitation, preferably by shotgun) is denied to Saturday morning cartoon characters thanks to the same government meddling that took the word sugar off all the cereal boxes and pulled Johnny Eagle toy guns from the market. By god when I was a kid we had our own toy guns, we didn't need action-figure minions with micro-lasers...we did our own dirty work. GI-Joe was more of a practice target than an action-figure. But I digress...) and when you pull their masks off...well let's just say they don't have masks and leave it to the reader's imagination what it looks like.

The same thing is happening everywhere we turn...no, the monsters haven't become real; we've just stopped looking for the real cause. Even worse is a seemingly growing attitude that looking for explanations using rigorous scientific methods and natural explanations is somehow disrespectful to those who have faith-based explanations for the same phenomenon.

I'm not going to address the con-men...the people who use pseudo-science, rhetoric, bad logic and popular opinions to try and force their belief structure on others. The Kansas School Board, The Discovery Institute, Institute for Creation Research, Church of Scientology, Free Energy nut-jobs, conspiracy theorists and all the rest are receipted and filed for liars and frauds. Anyone that thinks there's a higher power authorizing them to do evil to other people... I'll probably rant about them at some point, but for right now I'll limit this to those of us that are not sociopaths.

I won't even ask you to challenge your beliefs; I'm just asking that you not treat your personal beliefs as if they are as practical as rational, evidence-based explanations that have survived empirical testing. You want to believe God built the whole shebang in six days...go right ahead. But don't tell me...and especially don't tell our children...that your explanation is scientific, sound or useful.

God may decide to heal everyone of cancer tomorrow...he hasn't done it yet, but there's nothing stopping him from doing it tomorrow. For some people it is enough to just keep asking God to do it, but for others we want to go out and see what's under the masks ourselves...we don't believe in monsters and we believe that we can solve the mysteries ourselves.

We've been pulling the masks off for a long time and we have yet to actually find a real zombie or vampire. We've ripped the mask off of diseases like smallpox and polio, we've looked at atoms and galaxies, calculated the speed of light, the volume of the sun and the nature of thought...all without resorting to powers we could not actually measure for ourselves. So far we have no reason to believe that there's anything we can't unmask...there are still lots of things out there to learn and I'm sure we'll find were some things we'd thought we'd learned are wrong, but even the Scooby Gang was known to make a few mistakes.

Don't let your beliefs blind you to what is really happening around you. Depending on your belief structure this may require challenging your beliefs or at least sticking them in a separate compartment that is safe from all this critical thinking activity. There's nothing in science that is in opposition to religion or philosophy as long as you can understand where one begins and the other ends. The Scooby Gang didn't include an exorcist, or a demonologist, witch doctor, faith healer, psychic or parapsychologist. Just a gang of kids who could think and reason; even if they did run away every time something said boo; they always came back and solved the mystery.

The universe is our mystery...one greater than our real ability to comprehend. We can never know the absolute truth behind it, but we can pull the masks off one at a time as long as we can...a belief that there are no masks to remove shows both a lack of intelligence and a lack of courage. We are brave enough to see as much truth as our intelligence can discover...there is nothing that man was not meant to know. That's a belief worth sharing with children again.

First Post From the Day Before the Last Day

It's probably not a good idea to spend time on 06/05/2006 starting up a blog. By this time tomorrow Satan will have commenced the final assault on humanity, shattering civilization with rogue comets, tsunamis and probably a New Kids on the Block reunion tour.

We're all doomed. If all that shit doesn't happen tomorrow then rest assured something is going to get you eventually. I suggest you learn to live with that factlet and get on with what's important.

So assuming that there is anyone left to read this after tomorrow's rapture and subsequent armageddon, I'd like to welcome you to my blog. I've never done this before and I may never do it again. You won't get to know me personally here, but you'll probably get to know a few of the things I enjoy as well as a number of things that piss me off. If you couldn't care less about my opinion then you're in the wrong place.