Kingsville, Kleberg County Texas, 1997:
A local man, Leonso Canales Jr. has succesfully lobbied the Kleberg County commissioners to replace the word "Hello". From now on the official court house greeting will be (I shit you not) "Heaveno".
That's right...in Kleberg County your ears will no longer be incidentally assailed by that other evil, vicious H word in the course of a common greeting.
I can only assume that other options such as "Good Morning" (Afternoon or whatever", "Hi" and the official Texas greeting of "Howdy", were all considered and discarded as equally offensive as hello; thus requiring a new word to be carefully hand-crafted from scarce, non-renewable resources.
At this point you're thinking I'm looking at something from The Onion. But we're not so lucky...
'Heaveno' has received one heck of a response pall
Since the original adoption of "Heaveno" it seems that Kingsville and Kleberg County have forgotten their original commitment to language reform. In fact so many people have been pointing fingers and laughing that every member who approved the resolution has since probably crawled behind some convenient dumpster and drowned their sorrows in Wild Irish Rose or Mad Dog.
But the "Heaveno" people are still hard at it...working to clean up your filthy language.
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2 comments:
i bet the motherfuckers would fuckin' hate me, then, wouldn't they?
fuck and HELLo right at 'em!
That is, bar none, the nuttiest thing I've ever heard. Makes me wanna greet everyone by saying, "Hello, how the hell are ya?"
Some people! Sheesh!
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