Ain't it the truth

Oh yeah! Feel that Christian love...

Well it seems the war on Christianity is going very poorly at the University of Alberta; so poorly that the Christians appear to have taken the offensive without even waiting for the first cheek slap.

It seems that the University of Alberta Atheists and Agnostics placed a hand-made banner in a campus building to advertise the OUT Campaign and their own organization. Overnight one or more loving followers of Jesus decided they would show their tolerance of peaceful displays of opposing viewpoints by simultaneously defacing the banner and praising their all-benevolent buddy-in-the-sky. Those poor persecuted Christians have bravely struck back against the Satan-spawned imps of free speech and thought; I feel better knowing that Jesus loves me so much that he doesn't give a fuck about what I think.

Now I know this was probably just one asshole and most likely not even a good Christian to boot. Hell it might even be a false-flag operation by the ungodly atheists trying to establish a beach-head for the upcoming annual war on Christmas. Still, some fuck-wad decided they would destroy property in order to make a statement. It's only fair that we return the statement by supporting the OUT Campaign ourselves and tell the ayatollahs, popes, pastors, bigots, fundies and other assorted god-botherers that human dignity and freedom deserves as much, if not more, respect than their commandments, prophets and gods.

The OUT Campaign calls on everyone, not just atheists and agnostics, to speak out and tell everyone that atheism and agnosticism are valid world-views that deserve the same respect as any other. It's either respect for all or respect for none; to that end the OUT Campaign has adopted the scarlet letter A as their own.

I encourage you to support the OUT Campaign.

Treaty of Tripoli Bitch!

Okay, I hear it too much and I'm fucking tired of it. Listen up and listen good:

The United States of America is not a Christian country and it was not founded upon Christian principles.

If you think otherwise then you don't know American history, you don't know the Constitution and you don't know American law. That's right, law. The Treaty of Tripoli was ratified by unanimous vote of the Senate and signed by President John Adams in 1797. Since our government has not since rebuked the treaty it is still the law of the land.

Let's take a quick look at Article 11 shall we:

Art. 11. As the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion; as it has in itself no character of enmity against the laws, religion, or tranquility, of Mussulmen; and, as the said States never entered into any war, or act of hostility against any Mahometan nation, it is declared by the parties, that no pretext arising from religious opinions, shall ever produce an interruption of the harmony existing between the two countries.

Read 'em and weep boys. the Christian right is stupidly begging to be ass-raped on this issue if they keep up their idiotic blather. Face it; we have a secular government. I'm sure baby Jesus is crying.

Keep your imaginary sky-daddy out of my government, out of my schools and out of my fucking way.

Michael Wittman: In Memory

Today marks the sixty-fourth anniversary of the death of German panzer-ace Michael Wittman in combat against Allied forces in France. Wittman and his crew claimed an amazing total of 138 enemy tanks destroyed and is considered by many to be one of the finest tank officers to have lived.

Hauptsturmfuhrer Wittman was a member of the Waffen-SS, the military arm of the Nazi Schutztaffel. Unlike the totenkopf (death's head) units, the Waffen-SS was generally uninvolved in Nazi atrocities (with a few notable exceptions). I make no excuses for the crimes of the Nazis and the SS here, but note only that brave, good men die on every side in every war; some, or perhaps all, deceived by evil men in fighting for an evil cause.

I like to think of Captain Wittman as such a man. While the Waffen-SS was declared a criminal organization at the Nuremberg trials, it's nonsense to believe that the rank and file volunteered for anything other than to defend their homeland. I'll reserve my hatred for Hitler and his cronies and put in a word to revive the reputation of a man who earned his place and meat in Valhalla.

Captain Wittman's death is a matter of controversy to this day with multiple conflicting stories. He's buried alongside his crew in the German military cemetary at Le Cambe, France.

I promise, next time I'll write about someone who fought on our side.

Hopefully My Last Word on the Subject

My friends know that I’ve been following the public drama of the conflict between biblical literalist creationist insanity and rational evolutionary thought for some time. I’ve put many an oar in waters aswarm with inept piranhas, and the solitary competent shark trying to convince me to see my way to eternal life by accepting Jesus Christ, Muhammad, Joseph Smith or someone else as my own personal savior. I think though, it’s time I withdraw from the field and find another further on where my opponents actually display the virtue they profess.

At heart these people are trying to do what their religion calls them to do: win hearts, minds and souls for their god. Unfortunately they do it in a manner that shows them to be hypocrites attempting to game the system for whatever tiny, fragile points they can grab and not as people interested in honest debate on the subject. Off the top of my head I can’t think of a single creationist/ID proponent who has demonstrated the capability to hold an honest scientific discussion on the merits of a particular position without falling back on fallacious arguments, religious assertions or avoidance by trying to turn the subject towards a pet talking point.

They’re confused by their strict literal interpretation of the bible. They think that if any one line in the bible can be proved wrong, then they must discard the whole thing. And so they think the same of the Theory of Evolution; if we can chisel just one crack in the wall the whole thing must crumble…but alas for our creationist friends, science is a more robust thing than your fragile faith. Cracks tend to be patched leaving the structure intact and capable of weathering more severe storms in the future. Although one may occasionally cause a theory to collapse (for example the theories of luminous ether and phlogiston) it is much more likely that the discovery of the flaw in our understanding will lead to a stronger, better theory. Rather like natural selection at work.

I’m pushing myself off the topic and this is going to be a tl;dr for most people. Short end is I’m tired of the creationist babble. I no longer care to engage them in debate or discussion and will, in the future, if addressed on the subject (or the subject of religion) tell the poor confused piranha that he is wrong. If he persists I’ll tell him to read a book (I may even recommend one if he’s polite) and if he continues I’ll point and laugh.

Folks, if you believe in this you need to know: Creationism and ID are wrong. This is fact and can be immediately observed by anyone capable of reading at high-school level. By your understanding, literalists, this means that your literal interpretation of the Bible is wrong and thus everything you know is a lie which you must now, if you are an honest person, reject. Go ahead…raise your voice to the sky and reject that God that you know has lied to you, curse him and his angels for the liars and evil demons they are. That’s the only honest alternative for you…if you believe the Bible must be literally true for there to be a God and the Bible is not literally true (as evidenced) then you must accept that the God you believed in is not real.

I’m sure you’ll just find a way to think around that problem. Don’t bother telling me about it, I’ll just tell you to go read a book. Which is good solid advice anyway you look at it.

Meet the Guru

Since the name of this blog is The Kitchen Alchemist, I should probably get off the politics and historical sentiment once in a while and talk about food. Unfortunately there hasn't been as much of it in my life lately, trying to lose some more weight to go easy on the knees, but I'm looking forward to cooking lip-smacking, fall-off-the-bone, yummy barbecue ribs for friends this weekend. If you want my recipe, well you can't have it...but I will tell you where I got the original foundation recipe:

Alton Brown Sensei is perhaps the only modern celebrity chef that seems to actually teach people how to cook instead of just parrot some recipe and hope you don't put in too much BAM! He's host of Food Network's Good Eats as well as the spectacular road-tripping travel/food-logue Feasting on Asphault (and the upcoming follow-on Feasting on Waves).

Good Eats is where to start if you can't cook. If you can cook it certainly can't hurt. I promise you, Alton will teach you something you didn't know, make you laugh at his science-project approach and along the way show you how to make the kinds of food you actually want to eat.

So watch every episode of Alton Brown's shows until he decides you are ready to learn the techniques of advanced ribbery. Until then you must practice hard. Or you can take the true path and purchase Master Brown's vaunted grimoires of culinary mastery and you too can become a seventeenth level wizard of ribs...leaving you with only twelve more levels to catch me.

"Do not let the body be dragged along by the mind nor the mind dragged by the body"
-Miyamoto Musashi

The Battle of the Nile

Two-hundred and ten years ago today a British fleet under the command of Admiral Horatio Nelson engaged a roughly equal French fleet at anchor in Aboukir Bay, Egypt. The British achieved an amazing victory destroying or capturing eleven of thirteen French ships of the line while losing none of their own ships. The defeat doomed Napoleon's Egyptian campaign to failure eventually forcing him to abandon his veteran army to it's fate.

The Battle of the Nile secured British control of the Western Mediterannean and all but locked the remaining French fleet into their harbors until, reinforced by their Spanish allies, the fleet would break out for the Trafalgar campaign and their own doom at the hands of the British Fleet, again under the command of Lord Nelson.

During the battle the French 118 gun First Rate Ship of the Line L'Orient, under the command of Luc Julien Joseph Casabianca exploded when flames reached her powder magazines. The explosion was so powerful that it was felt fifteen miles away. Casabianca's fearless behavior during the action, refusing to leave his post on the burning ship, was recognized and admired by French and British witnesses alike. To this day a vessel in the French Navy carries the proud name of Casabianca. Casabianca's son, twelve year old Giocante, refused to leave his father's side and was immortalized in the poem by Felicia Hemans which, while recognized by many to this day, is seldom read in it's entirety these days.


Casabianca
by Felicia Hemans

The boy stood on the burning deck
Whence all but he had fled;
The flame that lit the battle's wreck
Shone round him o'er the dead.

Yet beautiful and bright he stood,
As born to rule the storm;
A creature of heroic blood,
A proud, though child-like form.

The flames rolled on–he would not go
Without his Father's word;
That father, faint in death below,
His voice no longer heard.

He called aloud–'say, Father, say
If yet my task is done?'
He knew not that the chieftain lay
Unconscious of his son.

'Speak, father!' once again he cried,
'If I may yet be gone!'
And but the booming shots replied,
And fast the flames rolled on.

Upon his brow he felt their breath,
And in his waving hair,
And looked from that lone post of death
In still yet brave despair.

And shouted but once more aloud,
'My father! must I stay?'
While o'er him fast, through sail and shroud,
The wreathing fires made way.

They wrapt the ship in splendour wild,
They caught the flag on high,
And streamed above the gallant child,
Like banners in the sky.

There came a burst of thunder sound–
The boy–oh! where was he?
Ask of the winds that far around
With fragments strewed the sea!–

With mast, and helm, and pennon fair,
That well had borne their part–
But the noblest thing which perished there
Was that young faithful heart.

Say "Hell No" to Eliminationism!

This week I'm giving up all political beliefs except one; I no longer care about Conservatives, Liberals, Creationists, Evolutionists, Muslims, Christians, Child Pornographers, Democrats, Zoophiles, Homosexuals, Republicans, Bisexuals, Heterosexuals or even Jerry's fucking kids...as long as you don't try to convince people your views are so right and your designated opposition is so wrong that they should be imprisoned, forcibly silenced, killed or suffer any physical retaliation for disagreeing with you.

There...that's all there is to it. The simple way to tell if you are a Nazi is to examine your beliefs and see if you believe others should die for simply disagreeing with you or opposing you through civil discourse, political action or free speech. You're allowed to wish death or (preferably) prison sentences on those who talk violence and hate; but aside from that if you think you and your political, religious, sexual or whatever group is right to the point of eliminating the opposition then you fail the test...you're a Nazi, please go kill yourself and save me the trouble.

Is it that hard? We don't have to agree on everything, we don't have to like everyone, we just have to agree that we won't hurt anyone else for simply disagreeing and using legal means to oppose us. Whatever the fuck your personal hobby horse is, it doesn't excuse you from that simple rule and places you in the only category of people that I think should be eliminated.

This week a man walked into a "Liberal" church in Tennessee killing two people because he disliked their political positions. Last February a 15 year-old boy was murdered by his schoolmates in California for admitting he was gay. Time and again the stories appear on the news and on the web...there's no excuse for it in a place that calls itself civilization and those who encourage, approve or tolerate it unopposed are no better than Nazis themselves.

Every day talk show hosts, religious zealots and plain people with more anger than sense throw out the language of eliminationism by calling opponents traitors, infidels and worse. With the ability of the Internet and modern media to push any message out to a massive audience it's no wonder that these messages of hate find someone out there who is willing to act on the message. Even messages carefully worded to avoid direct calls to violence may still fall on the ears of someone who is willing to go the extra step.

Henry the Second of England did not call directly for the death of Thomas Becket, but his calls of "Will no one rid me of this troublesome priest!" found an audience all the same and Becket was murdered during evening prayers by four knights who interpreted Henry's lament as a royal command. Like Henry, the modern day sellers of hate must take a share of the responsibility and those who nod their heads in agreement and wait for others to take the "necessary steps" are also guilty.

Speak freely. Speak passionately; but think about what you're saying. Don't spread hate and fear and violence and then claim it as a right. Even Nazis are protected by the First Ammendment but you don't have to become one to oppose them.

In Memory of Manfred von Richtofen

On this day in 1918 Rittmeister* Manfred Freiherr** von Richtofen fell in combat over Morlancourt Ridge in north-eastern France. I’ll not go into the story of his short life, legacy and legend other than to say I’ve lived my life, at least partially, in the shadow of this young man who personified devotion, duty and courage.

The fame of being the highest scoring combat flier in the war rested uneasily on his shoulders, for Richtofen it was simply another part of his duty; wearing the hero’s mask to improve morale on the home front and ensure his fliers had the best equipment possible to support their mission of protecting the men in the trenches. A hunter from the time he could walk and shoot, Manfred von Richtofen reveled in his combat victories while never forgetting the accompanying human horror and tragedy suffered in aerial combat by his enemies and fellows. In Richtofen we find the traits that are the best humanity can show: nobility, compassion, courage, generosity, fidelity and good humor in the face of adversity.

For the last months of his life von Richtofen endured the effects of a head wound suffered in combat. Realizing his value to his country as a symbol and to his men as a leader; Richtofen returned to combat before making a full recovery; stoically pulling his tight flying cap over his bandaged head. He would suffer depression, headaches and chronic fatigue for the rest of his life. All factors which probably contributed to the fatal lapse in judgment on the day of his death.

Manfred Freiherr von Richtofen was born seventy years and one day before I was, and died eleven days short of his twenty-sixth birthday. Somewhere in my youth I was touched by the image of his red Fokker tri-plane, and the fascination has grown with each passing decade. There is a real Red Baron who surpasses the fictionalized versions in every respect. His legacy lives to this day with Jagdeschwader 71 (Richtofen) of the German Luftwaffe. In his memory it is fitting to recite again (and hopefully not for the last time) the honors of Rittmeister Manfred Freiherr von Richtofen:

• Order Pour le Merite
• Order of the Red Eagle
• Royal Hohenzollern House Order, Knight’s Cross with Swords
• Iron Cross 1^st Class
• Iron Cross 2^nd Class
• Bavarian Military Merit Order 4^th Class with Swords
• Saxon Military St. Henry Order, Knight’s Cross
• Wurttemburg Military Merit Order, Knight’s Cross
• Saxe-Ernestine Ducal House Order, Knight 1^st Class with Swords
• Hesse General Honor Decoration for Bravery
• Lippe War Honor Cross for Heroism
• Schaumburg-Lippe Cross for Faithful Service
• Bremen Hanseatic Cross
• Lubeck Hanseatic Cross
• Austrian Order of the Iron Crown, 3^rd Class with War Decoration
• Austrian Military Merit Cross, 3^rd Class with War Decoration
• Bulgarian Bravery Order, 4^th Class-1^st Grade
• Turkish Silver Liakat Medal with Swords
• Turkish Silver Imtiaz Medal with Swords
• Turkish Iron Crescent
• German Luftstreitkrafte Pilot’s Badge
• German Luftstreitkrafte Observer Badge
• Austrian Pilot’s Badge

*Literally “Riding Master” or captain of cavalry

** Freiherr is a title of nobility usually translated as Baron